BK Gundas

If you look up the word "thug" on one of my all-time favorite websites Urduword.com, you will not find an answer. That's probably because "thug" (or thag as pronounced in Urdu) is actually a desi word, meaning a "member of a gang of murderers and robbers in India who strangled their victims" (see http://www.etymonline.com/). When I was a child, a "thug" was a crook (to be differentiated with dakku - a bandit) and sure enough, if you read classic Urdu story-tales, you can read about "thags" who tried to trick little old ladies into selling their gold jewelry. Growing up, I learned another word for "thag" was "gunda".

So like in my convoluted way of thinking, a thug, is still a thug. But a "gunda" is a whole other species. When I think "gunda", the first thing that pops into my mind is a "Brooklyn Gunda", a heavier-set Punjabi guy with a do-rag and the baggiest jeans and a chunky metal "Allah" necklace. Then, I think, wait there are skinny gundas too, and I think of Jay Sean (who btw was my man before this z100 revolution) and then I think wait their are shareef (decent) gunday too and I think of my "gangsturr" brothers box and picks haircuts.

But, let me revisit the truly unique species, Brooklyn Gunday. As a Pakistani growing up in NYC, a Brooklyn Gunda is not hard to find (especially if you have ever been to the Pakistani day parade). Many Brooklyn Gundas have never been to Pakistan, (or moved from there before they were 5) yet they are the most patriotic Pakistanis you will have ever met. As such, the best place to look is in the little Pakistan of Brooklyn. Just drive down Coney Island Avenue on a Saturday, (be sure to stop at Bukhara sweets for bangin' namak-paray, and Punjab restaurant for sizzling kebabs and Punjab pharmacy where you can bargain for deodorant) and roll down your window. You could park, but be careful if you have a non-NY license plate, you might be sniffed out as a foreign entity and it could be trouble for your stereo system. As you walk, or drive, observe, as a bird-watcher would, your surroundings. You might hear a Brooklyn Gunda blasting bhangra mixed with rap in a "souped" ride cruising through a red-light. You might see a bunch of them with corn-rows and flashy studs walking together up and down the street. Some of them smoke and look like they are carrying some sort of weapon. Some of them do not speak English or Punjabi or Ebonics but a mixture of the three.

But, do not be afraid.Inside, you see Brooklyn Gundas have a piece of laddoo (a spherical yellow dessert) in their heart. If you are an old lady, or a little kid running and playing in the street, you have nothing to fear. If not, and if you are afraid, quickly give them some samosas (or a little Pakistani flag), slowly walk away and they should be off your case. Although it is tempting, do not take their pictures, no matter how unique (or attractive) you think they are. You probably shouldn't smile at them either- as they are not used to this. Most Brooklyn Gundas will turn towards some sort of business for their choice of profession. They will lead lives eating homemade roti and marrying a girl from a small town in a foreign country. Brooklyn Gunday do tend to raise Brooklyn Gunday, but more research is needed to substantiate these claims.

(Relevant picture to be added soon)

To Nathni or Not to Nathni ....That is the Question!

What is one of the most important decisions every South Asian bride will have to make on her wedding day? No, its not whether or not she chose the right guy or not. No, its not whether or not she should wear the dress her mother-in-law picked for her (actually that is the most important decision but we will discuss that another day). Actually, the decision we are discussing is whether or not a bride should wear a traditional huge nose ring, the nathni. Though a very authentic part of the South Asian bridal jewelry, many South Asian girls have opted out of wearing this piece of jewelry for several reasons. To help all you brides out there, lets look at the pros and cons:

Con: It covers up a significant portion of your face. Personally, one of things I like about American brides, is they look much more natural than their South Asian counterparts. It's kind of refreshing to have a clean simple face on your big day, because it's all about you. When American moms show their kids their wedding photos they can actually recognize their mothers. When South Asian moms show their kids, half the time the kids have no clue that that's their mother in the photo. They also have no idea what that gold ring doing on her nose.

Pro: Nothing makes you look more like a bride than heavy jewelry. Its your wedding day, all eyes should be on you. Especially since many newlywed chics insist on wearing their wedding dresses to other weddings, you need to stand out! What better way to make you the center of attention than a huge nathni on that beautiful face.

Con: One of my cousins in Pakistan insisted on not wearing one because she said it made her look way too old for her age.

Pro: A good friend of mine who has kind of baby face looked absolutely fabulous in a nathni. It really made her look like a bride as opposed to a little girl playing dress up!

Con: When you show your co-workers your wedding photo, they will be a bit confused about why you have this huge ring on your nose, when they didn't even realize you had your nose pierced. When you explain to them its just a snap-on they will be even more confused. Then you will have to show them Janet Jackson's Runaway video to show them nose rings are hip and cool...or at least they were 10 years ago.

Pro: Your Grandma will love you for it, especially if you wear her old one. Screw your co-workers....

So just keep these tips in mind and remember this is your (...and your mother-in-law's) decision!

How not to pick up a desi girl.

Hey. sup.

So have you ever heard of a pick up line that should never under any circumstances be used again? I know of more than a few, and I'm putting this out there for all you guys to know that they will NOT make you look smarter or more appealing:

Do you study space? Because you are out of this world.

Are you an ex-convict? -Because you just stole my heart.

I'm melting, I'm melting!

If you were a booger, I'd pick you.

Are you from Tennessee, because you're the only ten I see.

Can I borrow your library card? I would really like to check you out.

If you were girls were Sharpies you would be fine.

If you were at McDonald’s, you would be McHotness!

Is there fire? Because you look smokin'

I lost my phone, Can I borrow your number?

Singing random Desi song lines like "Kya bolti tu?" (Ok. maybe this one works...sometimes)